Was it not bad enough that I have a life-long disease? And my other little sister has become a klepto? That I am now an orphan? Was all that not enough?
I would have thought so but no. My babies were put in the hospital so the parasite could be gotten rid of since I managed to pass it on to them. And my youngest my little Jake he already had so much wrong with him. He wasn't doing so good to begin with. He was already deaf and he trouble breathing from time to time. And unlike the rest of my children he would not talk. I sat for hours when I got back trying to get him to talk. I got a mumble that never really meant anything.
When I left Luke for good Sean took my oldest, Bella and Edward. I took Jake with me. I took all the time I could with Jake trying to figure out if he was ever going to be ok. I never got him to do anything but babble. When I was put into the hospital I missed him so bad. I missed them all with my heart and soul. But then the news that I had given my children a parasite sent me into overdrive. I felt horrible. So many people had given me a horrible time about leaving them with Luke when I was being abused. Now what are they going to say knowing that I put my children in danger?
My children were safe. All but Jake. He had internal bleeding and he wouldn't respond. I went down there almost every day that I was able to walk. I was so excited to be able to leave on Mother's Day. I went down there to check on him. He was awake and off the breathing machine so I was able to hold him. I picked him up and was rocking him and he said Mommy. I cried at the sound of it. But I just kept rocking him and he became so cold. I tighten my grip and covered him. When the nurse returned she wanted to take him but I didn't understand the panic in her voice. I knew how to warm up my child.
Then the doctor ran in and grabbed my child from me. I was so angry because I heard one of them say something about strangle. I would never strangle my own child! But then the nurse that had see me down there so many time told them that I wouldn't do something like that and that I wasn't understanding what was going on. She tried comforting me then and thats when they confirmed that my baby was dead. I shook after that for a long time.
MY BABY?!?! No no no no. That's all that went through my mind. My hope left me when the doctor turned toward me with sorrow filled eyes. I was never going to see my baby run or talk. I barely got too be with him anyhow. Now I'll never get to be the mom that I wanted to be. I wanted to prove to my children that there was a reason I left them.
I'll never understand why he had to leave me. But I always will love him.
My children were safe. All but Jake. He had internal bleeding and he wouldn't respond. I went down there almost every day that I was able to walk. I was so excited to be able to leave on Mother's Day. I went down there to check on him. He was awake and off the breathing machine so I was able to hold him. I picked him up and was rocking him and he said Mommy. I cried at the sound of it. But I just kept rocking him and he became so cold. I tighten my grip and covered him. When the nurse returned she wanted to take him but I didn't understand the panic in her voice. I knew how to warm up my child.
Then the doctor ran in and grabbed my child from me. I was so angry because I heard one of them say something about strangle. I would never strangle my own child! But then the nurse that had see me down there so many time told them that I wouldn't do something like that and that I wasn't understanding what was going on. She tried comforting me then and thats when they confirmed that my baby was dead. I shook after that for a long time.
MY BABY?!?! No no no no. That's all that went through my mind. My hope left me when the doctor turned toward me with sorrow filled eyes. I was never going to see my baby run or talk. I barely got too be with him anyhow. Now I'll never get to be the mom that I wanted to be. I wanted to prove to my children that there was a reason I left them.
I'll never understand why he had to leave me. But I always will love him.
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