Memories

I remember a world where I used to actually own a dress. My big brother was most concerned that I didn't get around him. Where my baby brother was obsessed with my teddy bear. My brothers and me swinging from branches of trees and them getting mad because I could climb better than them. Then my mother telling me that I needed to be a lady and not get dirty. I was so mad that day of having to sit inside and learn how to play the piano (which I can still though). I loved singing so much more though however. Grandmama wanted me so happy and singing did/does it.

Then she had the twins and everything. Suddenly I was one of the "older" kids. We lived right on the Tennessee-Alabama border so we like to say that Ridge was born in Tennessee and Bre was born in Alabama. I enjoyed being the big sister until my brothers started giving me problems. One day stands out particularly to me. Sean came in the room while I was helping mom with the twins. I had Baby Boo in my lap and was pulling what little hair she did have into pigtails. He told me that all I was going to do now was girly things. For me being seven beating the crap out of nine year old brother was great until dad picked me off of Sean. That was the year we all got to playing sports. I didn't take dance, gymnastics, or even softball. I chose martial arts. That was when we first realized I was a contortionist. Sean hated the fact that I would come home and practice at home on a tree and he would have to stay at school to throw a stupid ball. I learn gymnastics on my own and later on in life I would learn ballet and how to dance.

I grew very protective of my Baby Boo because I rarely got to see her when we moved to Auburn. She started "staying with grandma" come to find out she was in the hospital a lot. Court was born when we got to Auburn. She became mom's favorite along with Bre. She wanted us to still all be girly. I refused to take dance and tried telling Baby Boo she wouldn't like it. But she wanted to try. I remember when momma took Bre and Ridge to their first dance class when they were five. I was starting to rebel against my mom even more. First tattoo was already on my body and I hated the idea of becoming somebody's wife and having to clean up after them. I resented that she wanted to be some boy's stooge. But we go into the studio and I only go because mom has promised me Arby's. I remember being shocked at how many guys there was. But there two in the corner that were stretching and laughing in tights and ballet shoes. I couldn't help but to snort and trust me momma swatted my butt for that. One of the guys saw that and winked at me, and this guy had to be in high school. But he had such girly features and I gave him a look of disgust-ion, and rolled my eyes. We left then thank God. I kept up with martial arts until I got bored with it and went onto fencing, wrestling, and a little boxing.

By the time I was 14 I was a real nightmare. I had smoked, popped a pill, and drank. And was just about ready to lose it. I was a top student though. So my mom couldn't say much and dad was freaking proud. I was doing what he always wanted from his sons. Smart and strong as steel.

And then my parents split. And yeah you'd probably be right if you said they split because of their kids. I picked dad but yeah Alabama divorce lawyers suck. I got stuck with my mom. Sean told me to lighten up. Yeah Dylon got to stay with dad because he pitched such a fit. Yeah he was dad's baby. By sixteen I was horrible but I had the grades that people only dream of making while they cruise all night. I could speak French better than my French teacher and could call all of my teachers names in Italian. My principal hated me because I reminded her of my mother and trust me it was not compliment to me. I got to travel France for the first time when I was just sixteen. That was during my peroxide hair days. I was as blonde as you could get. I drank in the culture and embraced everything that my background had to offer.

When you get home from France and your French accent was a strong as mine was you turn quite a few heads. And Nick Salem was the one that could feed me lines. And a little manipulating, a little whiskey, and few good moves. And he became my first. How long did our relationship last? Uh about a month. Real love right there. And there were about three after him between them and my senior year "love".

I got to the summer before my senior year and Bre had a recital and dad was going because dad needed me afterwards and I was surprise to see the girly guy was her teacher now. Oh and yeah he remember me because he smacked the air infront him and winked. Let me tell you that pissed me off beyond belief. I wasn't some twelve year old anymore. I was 18 now. Bre had to introduce me to her teacher and he smirked when he grabbed my hand. He creeped me out big time. I remember that summer was the big turning point for me.

Dad taught me how to street fight and shoot. I got to learn things that most women never learn and don't want to learn. My senior year was the worst. I didn't hang out with a lot of people. I didn't want to. Dad had me street fighting. School found out dad would have slapped in jail. My Baby Boo was right behind me in almost every fight. Never once was she in front of me. And if it turned to fire arm I didn't think twice before ripping off my vest and slapping it on her and hiding her. Yes I know why did I let her out there in the first place? Because she was now twelve and rebellious.

Everything was going fine for me. I could get a boyfriend but nothing serious. Until winter of my senior year and a Mr. Drake Neil Morrison showed up next door. Dad and us were leaving one night and Drake jumped out of our tree. He volunteered to come. I was seriously thinking dad was going to kill him. But dad let him. And nope I didn't fall in love either. Drake put all the moves he knew together. Ok I might have thought I was in love. Which is why he was the first one I said I could possibly love. We went through the rest of the year together and I begged dad to let us go to prom. We got the ok and I tanned until I got brown enough for me which wasn't a lot. I remember how much planning went into that. Mom was so excited. Mom wanted everything perfect for me since she had during the school year. I remember that dress like I could be wearing it right now.

The white that hint of blue in it. The simplicity of it was great. The six straps on my back that intertwined each other. The beading on it was completely covering the top and it swirled on the skirt which hit the ground and flew out when I twirled. My hair was its natural color and was curled at the ends. I remember spending more than a half and hour just doing my make-up (I haven't done for either of my weddings). I was so excited when he walked across the yard with my corsage in its box. Dad even came to Mom's house to see me off. Drake had rented a Corvette for the night. We had dinner at Quincy's (Its ashamed those aren't still opened) and then we went to the prom. Well we parked and on my way in. The principal said that I wasn't allowed because I had been suspended so many times. I went off in 5 seconds flat. I had paid my money like everyone else. When she told me it was too bad that was so close for me hitting her. But my foot was itching and when I pulled off my shoe and was scratching my foot she said something she shouldn't. You never a bad word about my family, you can put me down all you want just not my family. Her exact words were "How many much money did you mom have to scrape to get you that dress?" SCRAPE?!? I raised up and threw my shoe right at her face and it hit her.

Not only did I not get into prom but I was expelled. Less than a month away from graduation and I blow it. I would have been in the top 4. Could have been in the top of all of them. Drake said he couldn't date such a violent girl. I couldn't believe that shit. Mom was so pissed at me. I did it to stand up for her and want does she do? She kicks me out. I went to stay with dad. I did for quite sometime but he had a lot of girls taking up his time during the day. I street fought and lived with him for some time. I spent most of my time talking to Baby Boo, sleeping, and fighting.

I went to Atlanta with Dylon because he graduated the year after I would have. He joined the marines and I discovered modelling. I was robbed of everything one night. Money, hope, and grace. I felt so disgusted with myself and I felt like I would never get on my feet again. I left with one of the photographers and he said he could help me find a job. Oh he found me a job that made me feel even more disgusted. I learned to dance (regular and seductively), to screw (really not too proud of that), and I learned that my body wasn't by any means the standards it should be. I was now a pornstar.

So two years of sex with people of different races, genders, sizes, and much more. Parties at night, tight clothes, getting recognized by me in the underground bars. I got to payed to take extra classes. Getting let into the high-end clubs. After getting rejected as a Bunny I decided to quit the business and go into something I found more appealing but not much more better. I became a dancer/stripper at bars. And I went to bartending school because I was now 21 and thinking I was loving life.

I got a call back home around that time... my mom was on her deathbed and Bre was now paralyzed. I went home and barely made it in time to for her to tell me that she thought I could do better in life. There is nothing more self esteem boosting than a parent basically telling you that they are not proud of you. Dad was there and was there with even more shocking news. Baby Boo was now dating the boy she had once hated so. Dad said he really liked him and he liked the boy's family. I didn't see what was so great. Yeah I'd seen the boy hang around her and he was a good street fighter. Bre was paralyzed by her stupid boyfriend.

To make this shorter I began to draw tats like my dad. Baby Boo had Autumn in the fall of 2006 and Autumn died in December of 2006. She tried committing suicide not long after than and that's when my alarms went flying. But with dad pushing her and her vulnerable state she married Ian on 10:31 p.m. of Halloween 2007. She was already two months along come to find out and Mack was born 2008 January. Then everything

To be continued...