Faithful

I look at you and I see everything that I've ever wanted. But the question that burns me is 'do I deserve you?'. My body shakes at the thought of getting close to you in person and us not working out. My heartaches at hearing the breaking in your voice. But I had reality hit me today, I've never daydreamed about being with anyone like I have with you. I've always dreamed of my life getting better. And its not me I'm worried about getting hurt. I've seen you be hurt now. I do not want to hurt you myself. I'm scared that I will screw up. Its not like this with anyone else where we don't even have to ask for forgiveness with each other we know its  there. God I won't ever forget the phone call I got where Ridge asked me if I liked you. I think I turned like a million shades of red. I remember my knees and buckling and falling on the couch. And who could forget the day after I left Luke? April 16.... Right after I made myself a promise. And that hasn't changed. "I wanna lay like this forever." My thoughts flicker to you all the time. I still find Broken by Lifehouse is still fitting for me at the moment. "And I'm hanging on the words you say you said that I will be ok." I honestly think that before I can move on I'm going to have stand face to face my past and fears. Going to Atlanta is one of them and facing Luke one on one without everyone getting a tizzy with the exception of Tommy. Everyone else back off of me for a while. I do believe that's what it will take and after that I will be forever faithful to mon Tommy.