I Want You To Know

I am a "Like" Life After Crohn's on Facebook. And today's post really spoke to me. "I want you to know that..." and most of the answers I could relate to. No pain medicine ever really helps, and some make it worse. I hate bathroom jokes, I get really upset because of these jokes. I might not look sick but I am. Just because some people go through years of remission doesn't mean I will. I may be in pain for years. The fear of everything small or big cripples me. That some of my medicine makes it unbearable to walk. That I have to have a handicap badge in my car now making me feel older than I really am? Knowing that the sores on my legs may never go away? That some medicine make my immune system drop big time? That I worry what my kids think already? Certain medicine if not taken at the right time makes my stomach hurt. Its not just the food factor, its everything! Stress, medicine, food, exercise, and thought. God why can't people understand I am working here. The doctors are working here. This time they are running on a schedule I'm actually seeing and hearing results. We are working together to for me to feel it! I want to come home some days yes but there are days when I just want to be left here instead of facing an hour ride to the doctor and back almost everyday and wasting gas and money that none of us have! That sometimes I have been given a muscle relaxer so strong I can walk and I can't control my bowel movements. That I get flustered when you just over look what I am feeling so its conventional for you? That sometimes I'd rather just have the ostomy.... Fatigue takes over my life... I put on a show for everyone for if I didn't no one would see any peace. I am already being treated like a kid and its making me made. What I have is unseen and unspoken of there for I look healthy on the outside and sick on the inside. That the 19 year olds around make me the happiest! If it weren't for Tommy I wouldn't be alive. If it weren't for Ridge I wouldn't be sane! Why can't people understand I asked Tommy to take care of me when I got out no matter where I was. What I have isn't just one disease either its a series of diseases. I get tired of being told to get to feeling better I'm not going to! There is no cure! This isn't an old person's disease people as young as 12 have it! That yes you are going through a lot too but let tell you this I now know of 5 different things invading my body not to mention the crap I was dealing with before I got sick!!! That I feel like going to gym and punching the hell out of a punch bag until it fall from the ceiling. No even that wouldn't sufficient I want to fight someone until I can feel their sanity leaving them like I feel like mine is doing. Watching the fight in Boondock Saints 2 makes me get fired up every time because God I would love to street fight right now. I just feel lost. I mean I experience the early signs of arthritis. I have mouth ulcers, rashes on my legs and cramps all the time. I just feel like giving up. I just want people to know that there is more to me and what I am going through!